Why can’t people stop grieving and move on ?

There’s a medical diagnosis for this. It’s called ”Complicated Grief Syndrome.”-ccmhhealth.com. 12/13/19. You’re not alone. ”It affects 10-20 percent of people after the death of a spouse or romantic partner, or when the death of a loved one is sudden or violent, and it is even more common among parents who have lost a child.”-independent.co.uk. 11/15/16.

Grief is different for everyone and how they progress through the various stages. For the most part, grief is like this:

•accepting the loss

•Experiencing the pain of the loss

•Adjusting to the new reality without the loved one

•Sharing your loss with others

-ccmhhealth.com. 12/13/19.

Normal grief fades over time, while complicated grief may worsen.

Complicated grief keeps you in a heightened state of mourning that keeps you from healing.

Symptoms of complicated grief:

•Feeling numb and detached

•Intense pain and sorrow over the loss

•Inability to accept the loss

•Excessive avoidance of reminders of the loved one

•Inability to focus on anything but your loss

•Feeling unnecessarily responsible for the death

•Intense longing for the deceased

•Feeling that life lacks purpose or meaning

•Inability to reflect on positive memories with the loved one

•Feeling bitter about the loss

•Isolating yourself from activities

•Inability to trust others

•Wishing you had also died

•Experience depression, deep sadness, guilt or self blame

•Believe that you did something wrong or could have prevented the death.

•Feeling life isn’t worth living without your loved one. -ccmhhealth.com.12/13/19.

Medical professionals do not know why some people are more prone to Complicated grief than others…”We do know the condition occurs more often in females…”-ccmhhealth.com. 12/13/19.

“Over the course of time, love has gotten all mixed up with pain and grief. You realize your pain has become your expression of love lost, the way you honor your loved one;” the one consistent link between life with them and without them; proof that their life left a permanent mark on you. -whatsyourgrief.com

Conclusion: Apparently, while wishing the pain of grief away, the grief became something that defines who you are. If you’re not busy grieving, you’re afraid of losing the memory, the connection that you had. You feel as if you’re dishonoring the deceased, if the memory even slightly disappears.

So where does the memory live ? Within you…”in the stories that you tell people about your loved one. It lives in the memories you share together with family and friends. It lives in the little things you do in their honor and memory…it lives in the things, like memorial cards, shared music, shared favorite places, shared adventures, favorite dog or cat, favorite shared foods, meals, etc.

It’s easy to see why this reality might be confusing, because in the beginning, all the memories of shared things and time spent together, brought you a lot of pain…reminders that could easily spur an uncontrollable crying spell and endless hours on the couch or bed, eating Ben & Jerry’s. Reminders that equalled sadness…So it isn’t hard to think if the pain stops…your loved one’s memory is disappearing, therefore, in your mind, your love for them is disappearing.-whatsyourgrief.com.

Coming to the realization that if the pain stops, then their memory is lost, is the key that opens the door to start reliving your life, as the deceased and the living, would all want for you. We were not put on this earth for unnecessarily mentally torturing ourselves on a daily basis, that falsely equates into keeping the deceased’s memory alive. / Done