Bullying

By definition: ”Bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical and social behavior that intends to cause physical, social and psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group abusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more people, who feel unable to stop it.”…-ncab.org.au.

So, why do bullies bully ? Those who bully are more likely to have experienced a stressful or traumatic situation…examples include parents splitting up, death of someone close, etc.. Bullies use negative behaviors: bullying, violence, drug abuse, which temporarily mask issues…some people don’t know how to cope with stress, and turn to bullying as a coping mechanism…66% of people sampled, who admitted to bullying, were male….In order to mask how they feel about themselves, people who bully, focus attention on someone else…deflecting. Bullies generally have low self-esteem.-ditchthelabel.org.

One out of three people who bully, admit they don’t get enough attention from parents. Feelings of rejection are prevalent, due to the lack of unconditional love…bullies are more likely to have violent households, with lots of arguments and hostility….due to their insecurities, in order to keep friendships, they might be pressured to behave in a certain way…behaving in ways that make them feel uncomfortable, but conform to keep their friends.-ditchthelabel.org.

“Older siblings can also be the cause of the problem. If they’ve been bullied, they are more apt to bully a younger sibling to feel more secure or empower themselves.”…Parents, teachers, coaches are often bullies, taking their anger out on a child…Bullying is a learned behavior that can emanate from various people.-stompoutbullying.org.

“Bullies dominate, blame and use others. They lack empathy…and have contempt for the weak. They see weaker kids as their targets, and don’t accept the consequences of their actions. They crave power and attention.”…”Most bullies don’t understand how wrong their behavior is and how it makes the person being bullied feel.”…”No matter what kind of bully someone is, they have not learned kindness, compassion, and respect…Bullies don’t need a reason to hurt others. When asked, some replied:”

• Because it makes me feel stronger, smarter, or better than the person I’m bullying.

• Because I’m bullied at home.

• Because it’s what you do if you want to hang out with the right crowd.

• Because I see others doing it.

• Because I’m jealous of the other person.

• Because its one of the best ways to keep others from bullying me. -stompoutbullying.org.

It is common for bullying to occur away from the eyes of teachers. Bullying usually happens outside of the classroom. It can happen in the lunchroom, hallways, locker room, school bus, walking to school, or on the internet, social media…Bullies usually know exactly where the teachers and other adults are, before they target someone; therefore, it is often unlikely that adults will eyewitness bullying.-verywellfamily.com.

Sometimes, teachers, coaches themselves, are the bullies…”a teacher who uses their power to punish, manipulate, or disparage a student beyond what would be a reasonable disciplinary procedure.”…Teachers may bully students for several reasons. One is lack of training in proper discipline techniques…teachers who have experienced childhood bullying may turn to those tactics in the classroom.”…physical altercations are usually addressed quickly, however, verbal, mental, psychological abuse is less likely to be reported by the victim, fellow students or teachers.-thoughtco.com. 6/8/20.

“There is a strong link between bullying and suicide…suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people…for every suicide, there are at least 100 suicide attempts…Bully victims are 2-9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims…a study in Britain found at least half of suicides among young people, are related to bullying…the same study found 10-14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide…nearly 30% of students are either bullies or victims of bullying; 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying.”-bullyingstatistics.org.

So, how do you deal with Bullies and bullying ? ”It’s not a good idea to approach the bully’s parents, as this is the job for either the school or the police if the offense is of a criminal nature.” If your child has been bullied and you want to stop the bullying:

• Document ALL details. What the bullies are doing, dates, times, places, actions,etc.

• “Find out if any threats have been made to your child; if it occurred outside of school, contact the police.”

• Contact the school and make an appointment with the Principal.

• Outline the details rationally.

• Get a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy.-stompoutbullying.org.

“FERPA ( the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act) has to be followed….schools have to collect evidence, talk to students and parents, adhere to the disciplinary policy, and consider students rights, both your students as well as the other students involved.”-verywellfamily.com.

Conclusion: Coming to some kind of conclusion/ closure, to protect your child from the bullies and bullying, can be a long, drawn out, administrative process. If it was my child being bullied, first, I would completely bypass the school process, go to your police precinct, and file a police report of either harassment or aggravated harassment. In New York, after filing a report, the officer will ask you if you want the person arrested or not. I would choose not; then I would take the police report to the school, talk to the Principal, take along your entire book of bullying details, and present everything to the Principal; explaining that if at the end of your school process, nothing is accomplished, except for wasting time, I will return to the police precinct and ask that they arrest the Bully or Bullies involved in the initial police report. / Done